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Her hallelujah is tired

Unfortunately a structural home is not always a safe place. To some, home is where they are abused, to others, home is where they are trafficked, and to some it where they are the most lonely.

When I found out this “shelter in place” was extended, I cried. It’s been over 2 months since I’ve seen my family and my goddaughter. It’s been well over 600 days since I’ve seen Cessna. Although a part of Cessna died way before this pandemic, I fear I’ll never see Cessna again. And there’s not many things I’m afraid of. It’s been lonely. One can only watch so much television and scroll through so much social media. I longingly wait in anticipation for the ding of a text or to hear my ring tone. I’ve given voices to all the bloggers I follow because quite frankly, life needs a little animation right about now.

But silence can be debilitating when you’re feeling lonely. There’s not many people who can understand. Presence of company provides comfort and solace. I haven’t seen my friend’s at work either as we’re all split apart, just a passing hi if I’m lucky. When I do see them for a minute I feel like the dog that gets so excited when the doorbell rings. And I laugh because this is what my life has come to. I wonder if I’m feeling like this, how is the rest of the world dealing with this “shelter in place”.

I have my own unpopular opinion. But right now, I’m thinking about all those that are feeling lonely. Maybe they’re single like me, longing for socialization and to hold the people they love. Maybe they’re in a marriage or a home that makes them lonely and have no outlet or freedom. So many people are in relationships that make them feel alone. So many people settle for a life that is less than what they are worth having. Unfortunately a structural home is not always a safe place. To some, home is where they are abused, to others, home is where they are trafficked, and to some it where they are the most lonely. Some are stuck. Some are prisoners. Some have lost hope of rescue. My heart goes to all them. My heart goes out to all the people being hurt by this shelter in place. For some, the shelter they reside in is not a place of solace or safety.

My emotions have been all over the place, between work and life, my hallelujah is tired. I feel like everything is ripped away from me by an unseen enemy. But I think slowly everything has been being ripped away from me before COVID. I feel discouraged and lonely. And when this all over, nothing will go back to the way it was. Maybe I’ll be a hugger. Who knows! This pandemic couldn’t have come at the worst time. I miss my family, I miss my friends, my goddaughter, the strangers I meet on my travels, I miss Cessna.

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