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I’m not the model Christian, I’m not the model of a good person

Today is Good Friday. And today is for people like me. Honestly, today is for me. Maybe you know me and maybe you don’t. I am a Christian. And that’s important to know, because my faith drives almost every aspect of my life. But it is also one of the hardest things about my identity. The truth is, I fall short everyday. I’m not perfect, I make many mistakes. For example, most recently as this week! I’m not proud of it. I regret my words and my actions. The thing is, after it’s done, I can’t take it back. I can’t take any of my mistakes back. I cannot rewind time.

But I have conviction. I can apologize, I can sorry. I’ve said sorry far too many times than I would I have liked. And that’s why today is for me. See, I may be a Christian but I’m so far from perfect. I carry the weight of guilt on my heart because I know there have been moments when I was wrong or selfish and when I was too much or not enough. I try. I try all the time to be good and kind, and enough for the people around me. Yet I fail. The cross on Good Friday was meant to bear the weight that I should carry. Being a Christian is so hard because there are such high expectations from society of what a Christian should be. But I’m not a model Christian, I’m not the model of a good person. I’m a sinner and I am selfish, I hurt the people I love, and I fall short everyday.

Today is Good Friday and someone took the place of the wrath I should face. I don’t deserve it because I know I’m not a good person. But Grace. Grace saved me. The cross then carries the weight of my guilt.

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