Loss isn’t something we flaunt. We carry it privately, as though broken glass shattered and left held together by glue. We all grieve differently. Loss changes things, specifically our future, our hopes, our dreams. It changes the future we thought we were going to have. Loss isn’t always death. And sometimes harder for others to understand when we grieve. It’s okay to grieve openly and it’s also okay to grieve privately. There is still beauty in broken glass. Who shall notice her? She didn’t want to flaunt her scars and so easily misunderstood. She carries the weight alone.
Healing isn’t always the same. It’s been a year and half. Since then, I’ve wanted to be anywhere but here. One of the best choices I’ve made back in 2018, was to go spend a week in the Alps. The heights of the mountains have a way of giving clarity. I was so close to the sunset, colors that filled that sky I can’t even describe to do it justice. We always have to return back to our reality. I loved every part Europe. The people, the culture, the history, and of course nature.
I wasn’t always brave. I just faked it. It’s funny because everyone describes me as brave, since I was in middle school. Maybe I wanted to be or I was and never knew. This past year I took a trip by myself. I wasn’t scared at all. I was surprisingly filled with so much courage (even when my friends were so worried I’d be sold into sex trafficking 🤦♀️). I had the best time of my life. But again I returned back to my reality. So I went on another trip. Travel has a way of opening our eyes and our minds. We have our faith and our practices. Something we never lose in the midst of loss, our hope. I realized then, that our reality is what we make of our lives. We can choose to sulk or we can choose to get back up. We can choose to stay where we are or we can choose to move forward. We always have a choice. One of things I have written about many times in the past is having the courage to fight for what we want. Storms come to disrupt our lives. I’ve seen many people stay where they are no matter how unhappy they are. They have become so discouraged that no words of hope shift their heart. They don’t see miracles anymore even when miracles occurred before their very eyes. Don’t be one of those people, I preach to myself and to anyone I see struggling. So I became the solo traveler. I pick a place and go. My reality is what I’m making it. It is the places I go and the people I meet and talk to. I always wanted to travel, why did I wait? I went on 10 trips in 2019. Each one of them healing to my heart.
Maybe what happened, the storm of loss, wasn’t a loss after-all. We can’t let others define our lives. We can’t let others judge our lives. We don’t have to choose a reality that is hurting us, because ultimately it is hurting our Creator. I thought travel was way to heal. What I found out was though travel did help me heal, travel is a part of the journey I was meant to have. If I didn’t have the courage, or just stayed where I was unhappy, I would never have had the experiences of this past year. Each of our journeys’ is going to look different. I can’t get to where God wants me if I choose to stay where I’m unhappy. There’s no fruit there.
And for now I am the solo traveler.
Her Name Means Wild 