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Nothing short of the goodness of God

I easily forget the goodness of God. I easily forget his faithfulness and how he provides. I get so wrapped up in worry that when I really need to remember, I don’t. It was the coldest day of year, the coldest day since maybe the 1940s and I followed all the directions I was given to prevent my water pipes from freezing. As I was lying there in bed I could hear all the faucets dripping water and soon enough I was fast sleep.

It was Wednesday morning, around 5am as I woke up to a very quiet house. I couldn’t hear the sound of water dripping, “no God please”, I thought to myself. And as I checked every faucet, sure enough, all the pipes froze. Half asleep, I crawled under my kitchen sink cabinet with the lame excuse of a hair dryer trying to heat up the pipes. 45 minutes under this cabinet and nothing. I didn’t want to adult, not today. So I decided to ignore the issue and went back to bed hoping I can sleep through Wednesday, pretending like Wednesday didn’t exist and wake up Thursday morning and all my problems would go away. Ha! One can dream, right?

Sure enough I dreamt that I woke to a house with running water. But dreams are just that, they’re dreams. I woke up to my sister calling me. A part of me was wishing it was Thursday and recalling the dream I just had, wishing that Wednesday never happened. So I checked, and nothing. It was still Wednesday, noon and no cold water. I put my fleece on the kitchen floor and laid there.

Everyone says “buy a house, invest in property” but no one tells you how much work owning a house is. Who was I going to call? Who would come out in -26 degree weather. I hesitated telling my best friend, I hesitated telling my sister. I couldn’t Even bring myself to tell the jiu jitsu Warrior. The three people who I know would help me, I was too embarrassed to tell. I failed and I failed miserably. I was failure and I felt like an idiot. I contemplated getting a third job as I lay there like a fool. God why has this past year been so hard? I am so tired of failing. Nothing I do is good enough. But complaining doesn’t solve the issue. I had bottled water, I won’t get dehydrated. And I know the code to sneak into my sisters house to take a shower. At least the sun was shining bright through my skylight and the house was warm. I should be grateful. All I remember are all the ways I failed miserably these past 13 months but I quickly was reminded how through each difficulty God provided. My neighbor mowed my lawn over the summer in 90 degree weather. My aunt and uncle visited and pulled out all my weeds (which initially looked like a forest). A stranger shoveled snow from my driveway when I was too tired. I not only have a person, I have 3! My 3 people always there helping, listening to me vent and encouraging me. I am blessed with 2 jobs so could pay to fix these pipes.

I still felt like a failure this past year so much so it was hard to have people over, it was hard to throw a housewarmings party. And I still haven’t. I started craving ice cream on the coldest day of my life, but there was none. I didn’t tell anyone, not that I feared I would be judged by my best friends. My self esteem reached a new level of low. But I had so much to be thankful for. Yea, I failed but I was reminded that this isn’t the worst thing in the world and I had so much more to be grateful for than not. So I got off the kitchen room floor and started rationing my water and making coffee. And just like that as I stood there while my coffee was brewing, water started running from the kitchen faucet without me touching it. It was nothing short of a miracle, nothing short the goodness of God. How easily I forget. I get so wrapped up in worry that I forget how through the year God either provided a miracle or blessings in the midst of my hardships.

The next day “my mini me” Michelle wanted to come over, so I made her dinner. She must have read my mind because she showed up with ice cream, just what I had oddly been craving.

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