I am the worst person to write about “learning to say no”. I am a “yes girl” and if you know me, oh you know.
I am not sure why it’s so hard to say no, especially when we want to say it we don’t and when we need to say we won’t. I’m not a doormat, yet sometimes I let people walk all over me and don’t even realize it.
I just want to keep the peace and not start conflict. I am a people pleaser. And I know that you struggle with saying no because you are a people pleaser too. You want to keep everyone happy, but inside you are far from happy. I guarantee the people you struggle with saying no to have not even stopped to ask themselves if you are okay. Not even a simple, hey how are you. They are so used to you saying yes.
There is a big difference between saying yes because you want to versus saying yes because you feel like you have to. The best advice I could give you today is to tell you, “learn to say no”, “practice saying no”. You can practice all you want but if you’re anything like me, you will feel absolute guilt for saying no. Here’s the thing, you are more likely to feel guilt for choosing yourself when you say no to someone who is narcissistic.
Whatever you are choosing to say yes or no to is in your control; God gave us free will to make choices but we shouldn’t let our choices make us. And I know somebody needs to hear this.
I’m still learning to say no, to put myself first. I constantly have to remind myself that it’s not selfish to take care of myself. It’s truly okay to say no, we all have limitations. The problem with being a “yes girl” is that I’m stretched out so thin. The people who truly love you will understand and if they don’t, well there’s your answer.