I saw my cousin Swetha this past weekend; I think after over 10 years. I honestly can’t remember when I saw her last but, I feel like I was still a “kid” back then, back in my teenage years. That sounds so weird to say! Swetha is probably the only cousin that inherited those beautiful Pulikuri hazel eyes. And I wish I had a picture because hazel eyes in a brown person is on another level of exotic that you can’t compete with.
It wasn’t in the best circumstances that we would meet this year; I was attending a funeral. I walked up to her and in my head I was this strong younger cousin that would be there for her and provide comforting words. That wasn’t the case at all. Without a word slipping from my mouth she spoke first, “I am so proud of you”. She had no reason to be. She quickly said a prayer over me and said these words: God said , “this is my son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased” and God sees you today and says “this my daughter, whom I love, with her I am well pleased”.
It was like the Niagara Falls. As a “feeler” I can usually sense arrival of tears but, in the moment water just started streaming from my face. How could God be pleased with me? There is nothing about me that is pleasing. Sometimes I lose my patience. Other times I am not the most kind person. There is lust in my heart. There is selfishness and jealousy.
I wish I could say I had one thing about me that was great, whether it be a great nurse, a great writer, a great sister/friend, anything. But I fail a lot. Truth is, if God is our Father-I really am not someone He should be proud of. I am tangled in the web of worldly affairs. I have committed adultery with my heart, I covet that which I do not have, and I have made my own idols in my life. How could the God of the universe be pleased with this? And yet He is. He calls me His beloved daughter, beloved. I’ve never been called that.