Even when I lose, I win!
I can’t begin to even understand how God works the way He does. Maybe I have just been privileged to experience God’s mercies every day. I know in my heart I don’t deserve any of it nor do I deserve the wonderful people he blessed me with.
I was in way over my head, but my heart was too prideful. How does a prideful heart ask for help? It doesn’t. It gets angry. It tries to manage on it’s own, tries to wing it. In my head, asking for help meant failure, asking for help meant I was weak, asking for help meant everyone who thought I couldn’t make was right. What was I trying to prove? I was just so used to making it on my own. But I sat on the bathroom floor, my hands over my head, “what now?” I had lost. It took everything to say to myself, I can’t do this on my own. And if I did ask for help, who would show up? It took even more to send that text, “please help me”.
I was reminded by this man who looked like a Native Indian Chief, that people want to be asked for assistance. By the looks of him, he appeared legit. “It gives them a sense of accomplishment to know they were there for someone.” He looked wise, but he sounded wiser. “It’s your turn to be on the receiving end of it,” he said. If I was going to get out of this hole, I needed to let go of my pride.
Jiu jitsu warrior, you showed up somehow to remind me that I wasn’t alone. Those words you spoke were like honey. There are many days I feel alone, sometimes it’s more than I can handle. My plate seems to be so full and more just seems to be filling. I felt overwhelmed. And yet, here you are, as always making sure I am never alone.
In the midst of dealing with renovations, it was the Verdino’s philosophy that life is full lessons. And as they walked with me, this was just that – a series lessons. But what were they?
The past 2 months have left me with “contractor ptsd”. I learned many valuable lessons. The practical ones that I will share moving forward. Yet I think the first lesson God wanted me to learn as a homeowner was that in even life’s most difficult storms, when you are fully wronged and there seems to be no justice, He puts remarkably special people in your life to help you get through. God’s redemption comes in many forms. For sure I was discouraged, but in every flaw that I saw it was my sisters that reminded me of my plans I had for my home and redirected my focus.
In the end, I never received justice, I would have even settled for a truthful apology, but I learned of the ones that will be always there for me, my family and the best of friends. The ones that walk with me. So while we feel moments of loneliness, I am really not ever alone.
It’s not about the storm, but how we make it through. God never leaves us without aid. So even though it seems as though I’ve lost, I have won something that is immeasurable.