Battles for the brave
All day long, my focus is on everything else but me. From the start of my day each morning, my worries are for my patients and their families. How are you, I ask. I always have to be two steps ahead of them, anticipating future needs.
As soon as I have a moment to spare, my families, my friends are on my mind. Each one of them going through something significant. What can I do for them, I wonder.
Each day begins and ends so quickly, there was no time to spare. Often times I wonder, what if there were more hours in a day or more days in a week? These past few weeks have been so busy between work and just all that life demands. There was no grocery, the laundry hadn’t been done, the car needed gas, emails needed replies, and so much more. The worst part of it all-a migraine settled in. There was no one to delegate these tasks to so I could rest, no way to call off since bills needed to be paid and even if they didn’t, you worry about your coworkers being short staffed.
One of the most challenging things I’ve learned is in the midst of singleness, a migraine makes everything even more challenging because a real migraine doesn’t know when to leave, and is always accompanied with nausea. There was this daunting task of things to do, and every which way I looked someone was asking me to do something.
And my problem is-I don’t know how to say no. I want to be there for others. When I ask “how are you”, I already see the answer your eyes, in your body language.
Yet in the middle of all of this, who was there to ask me how I was? Who stopped to see if I was okay? As a nurse, it’s second nature to care about everyone else. It’s what we do all day. But who is taking care of me?
The answer came to much of a surprise. No one saw me until I had my meltdown. Yes, I got down on my carpet and cried. As laid there, all I could think about was how much time I was wasting. I know God saw me struggling. Why didn’t He send in reinforcements?
My friend Berenice always says, “Sharon, you have to think of yourself first, you’re too nice”. I wasn’t always sure about this, because I thought if I did, everyone would look at me as though I was selfish. But she was right. All day I spend taking care of others and sometimes, it’s just nice to be taken care of.
Every time I stumble though, God’s always holding his hand out to help me get back up.
Be brave, he says, the toughest battles are for the strongest soldiers.
In a way I guess God is the one taking care of me; he fills me with strength to fight these battles. I need to, however, make time to do nice things for myself. And so I bought myself roses because I deserve them!