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Sometimes I feel angry at God 

Sometimes I feel angry at God. He’s had me in this season of loneliness for far longer than I can bear. I never thought it was a selfish prayer, to ask to share a life with someone. That’s all I asked for. Doesn’t God hear me? I know He’s heard my other prayers as I watch them unfold before me.  I thought I was living a morally right and biblically sound life. Did He not see that? In everything, my intentions were pure and honest. I opened my heart and there was nothing to love.

Sometimes I feel angry at God because it’s like I’m forgotten. I watch everyone pass me by. “Tell me some exciting news” they ask, but my reply is always the same. Did God forget me?

I lied to their faces, I said, “I’m fine”. But the truth is, loneliness is hard. Does He not care? I can’t drag my sister or even the best of friends on adventures I wish to take. So instead, I sit quietly dreaming of what the world outside my window might look like.

Singleness is hard. And this season of life is dragging. When will God answer? Who do I tell the aching of my heart? To where do I run? Sometimes I feel angry at God because I’m still in this season I do not wish to be. I never thought it was a selfish prayer.

7 Comments »

  1. You should never wait to take those adventures. DO THEM. I feel your heart because I was exactly in your place, thinking, “when I get married I’ll do this or that,” but then I stopped to ask myself, “Why can’t I do great things for God and go on great adventures with Him?” The answer was: “I’m afraid to do it alone.” And fear is a tool of the enemy (2 Timothy 1:7). So I snatched my dreams back from the hands of some maybe-future husband. I studied the lives of great female missionaries and surrendered my future to God. He helped me to find my voice and my courage. It’s actually okay to feel sad or disappointed when things don’t turn out how you’d hoped! God can handle all of your complaints. But after a day or two of pouting, I put my big girl britches on. And slowly I’ve unclenched my fists from my stubborn expectations of the future. Comparing ourselves to others is a dangerous trap of the enemy. Live out your faith and ask God for the gifts of loving Him and trusting Him more and more each day. Whether He calls you to serve Him in an American hospital or an overseas clinic, whether as half of a couple or as a strong, independent woman, our calling is the same: to make Him known. Singleness is not a curse, nor is it a measure of your worthiness of love or affection, and I pray that one day you can look back on these days with gratitude for them.

    Liked by 1 person

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