I’m looking, but I’m not seeing. I’m stuck here. The clouds form, move apart, and somehow come together. The night sky is clear as I wait for sunrise. And it always comes; everyday seems to be the same. The ache of my heart and the words that I pray, they come alive briefly until they fade away.
I cannot understand why God is silent at times. There are times He says ‘no’, there are times He says ‘wait’, but silence is the real killer. Praying becomes hard. A moment came when I looked up and yelled, “God, do you not hear me!” I laugh at it now because my scream was probably very quiet.
I’m listening, but I’m not hearing. The seasons come and go. I feel forgotten. But that isn’t the case at all. Often in these difficult times, a loved one comes along and says, “don’t pray, I will pray”. Even when I think I’m forgotten, I am blessed. I am blessed to have people in my life that pray with me and for me.
Even in His silence though, He is working. That maybe I am the one who cannot hear. And just when I think God is so far away, I hear Him speak. “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me” (Psalm 138:8).
How great is our God that even when we are so undeserving, when I am so sinful, that He would some how allow me to hear.